Overcoming People-Pleasing

We've all been there, trying to please everyone, saying "yes" when we really want to say "no", and constantly worrying about what others think. For some of us, this behavior becomes so ingrained that it feels impossible to break free. It's called people-pleasing, and while it might seem harmless at first, it can prevent you from living authentically and reaching your full potential.

In this Blog post, we will explore what people-pleasing is, how it holds you back, and practical strategies to overcome it so you can live more authentically and unlock your true potential.

What Is People-Pleasing?

People-pleasing is the act of constantly seeking approval from others, often at the expense of your own needs, desires, or wellbeing. It involves overcommitting, saying "yes" when you don't want to, and putting others' opinions and happiness before your own. While it may seem like a way to be liked or avoid conflict, it can lead to resentment, burnout, and a deep sense of dissatisfaction.

People-pleasing often stems from a fear of rejection, not wanting to upset others, or seeking validation. It can manifest in many areas of life, including relationships, work, and even within family dynamics.

How People-Pleasing Holds You Back

While the urge to please others may come from a good place, it can hold you back from reaching your full potential in several ways:

1. You Sacrifice Your Own Needs
When you're constantly trying to make others happy, your own needs get pushed aside. Over time, this can lead to feelings of exhaustion, frustration, and resentment. You're left feeling unfulfilled because you've been neglecting the things that matter to you.

The Barrier: Putting others' needs first all the time means you're not investing in your own growth, goals, or passions. This keeps you from realising your true potential.

2. You Avoid Conflict At All Costs
People-pleasers often avoid confrontation and are afraid to say "no" because they don't want to disappoint or upset others. While avoiding conflict might feel easier in the short term, it can result in unspoken resentment or a lack of boundaries.

The Barrier: Without setting healthy boundaries, you end up overburdened and stressed. This constant state of overwhelm can prevent you from focusing on your personal and professional goals.

3. You Seek External Validation
People-pleasers often base their self-worth on external validation, such as praise, recognition, or approval from others. While this can feel good in the moment, it's not sustainable and can cause you to rely on others' opinions rather than trusting yourself.

The Barrier: Seeking approval from others keeps you stuck in a cycle of validation-seeking behavior. When you place your self-worth in the hands of others, you'll never fully realise your potential.

4. You Overlook Your Own Desires And Goals
When you're focused on pleasing everyone else, your own desires, dreams, and goals often take a backseat. Over time, this can lead to a sense of disconnection from your true self and unfulfilled potential.

The Barrier: Constantly putting others first leads to the neglect of your own ambitions, preventing you from growing and achieving your goals.

How To Overcome People-Pleasing

Breaking free from people-pleasing requires shifting your mindset, developing self-awareness, and learning to put yourself first. Here are some practical steps to help you overcome people-pleasing behaviours and unlock your full potential:

1. Recognise The Signs Of People-Pleasing
The first step in overcoming people-pleasing is recognising when you're doing it. Are you saying "yes" to things you don't want to do? Are you constantly seeking approval or fearing rejection? Start paying attention to your thoughts and actions to identify patterns.

Action Tip: Keep a journal for a week and note situations where you feel compelled to please others or avoid conflict. This will help you become more aware of your behaviours and pinpoint where changes need to be made.

2. Learn To Set Boundaries
Setting healthy boundaries is key to overcoming people-pleasing. Boundaries allow you to protect your time, energy, and emotional wellbeing while maintaining healthy relationships with others. Setting boundaries doesn't mean you're being selfish; it means you're taking care of yourself so that you can show up better for others.

Action Tip: Practice saying "no" in small, non-confrontational situations. Start by saying "no" to things that are not aligned with your values or priorities. Over time, setting boundaries will become easier.

3. Practice Self-Compassion
People-pleasers often struggle with self-criticism and fear of rejection. Practicing self-compassion allows you to treat yourself with kindness and understanding when you make mistakes or don't meet others' expectations.

Action Tip: When you feel guilty for saying "no" or putting yourself first, remind yourself that you're deserving of love and respect, just like anyone else. Talk to yourself as you would to a close friend who is struggling.

4. Prioritise Your Own Needs And Goals
To reach your full potential, you need to focus on what you want in life, not just what others want for you. Reconnect with your goals, dreams, and desires, and make them a priority. This might mean sacrificing the approval of others for the sake of your own growth and happiness.

Action Tip: Take time to reflect on your personal and professional goals. What are the things you truly want to achieve? Break down those goals into actionable steps and begin taking small steps toward them every day.

5. Seek Validation From Within
Instead of relying on external validation to feel good about yourself, start validating yourself. Acknowledge your achievements, celebrate your progress, and trust your own abilities. The more you learn to rely on your inner voice, the less you'll seek approval from others.

Action Tip: Practice affirmations or daily self-reflection. Remind yourself of your strengths and accomplishments, and remember that your worth is not tied to the opinions of others.

6. Surround Yourself With Supportive People
Building a support network of people who respect your boundaries, values, and goals is essential. These people will encourage you to prioritise your own needs and won't make you feel guilty for doing so.

Action Tip: Spend time with people who uplift and support you. Let go of relationships that drain you or encourage people-pleasing behaviours. Having a solid support system will help you stay focused on your personal growth.

Conclusion: Unlocking Your Full Potential

Overcoming people-pleasing takes time and effort, but it's a crucial step in reaching your full potential. By recognising the signs of people-pleasing, setting healthy boundaries, and focusing on your own needs and goals, you can break free from the cycle of seeking approval from others.

Remember, you are worthy of success, happiness, and fulfillment on your own terms. As you learn to trust yourself and prioritise your wellbeing, you'll find that you have the strength and resilience to achieve anything you set your mind to.

It's time to stop pleasing others at the expense of yourself, and start living authentically, with confidence and clarity about what truly matters to you. You've got this.